Who wants to be a Billionaire?

It’s been a while since I became interested in Google and its ilk. Companies like these are privy, and without our endorsement, to so much of our personal life that it totally freaks the guzeebles out of me.

I understand it’s a big deal in the west but here nobody gives a rat’s ass to what Google knows about them. To be fair to us, most Indians in India DO have miserable lives with nothing particularly worthwhile being shared in their inboxes. I mean how interested can Google be about someone’s conversation about two boyfriends’ ‘styles’ of doing ‘it’ being discussed. (Yes, the person did leave herself logged-in on my computer and yes she is going to repent all her life that she did. And for no fault of her own, her best friend will too)

Anyway, for a while I wondered about how Google made its money. Then a couple of years back I saw that there were sponsored results on the right side of the page every time I searched for any piece of information on the internet. Then a friend joined the company and told me they make 98% of their multi-million dollar revenue chunk out of getting people to have Google optimize searches and placing them in results. All that was fine and I admit I was rather impressed with the ingenuity of the revenue model. Until they started doing it with my inbox.

Now, when I see an email in which someone has talked about a ‘single sheet of paper’, I see the URL of ‘Mumbai Singles’ alongside it. Or if I have an e-mail talking about a certain Ann then right there beside it in bold is the link to a very questionable looking URL (hint- handcuffs and leather)

So really Google knows a lot about us. And I have an idea. I have finally found a way to be a Billionaire.

I shall join Google and systematically dispense such information to wives and girlfriends until I’m an old, rich man bearing the nickname ‘Traitor’ sipping rare scotch on the cover of Time magazine.

It’s Genius, no?